i’m no pythia (beware BSG spoilers!)

The latest episode of Battlestar Galactica, “A Disquiet Follows My Soul”, has left my mind spinning with speculation as to what all will happen before the end.  This led me to review some of my old guesses and hypotheses in seasons past, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m pretty much dead wrong every time.  RDM and crew always catch me off guard, which I think is one of the many reasons I love the show so much.  Read on for a list of some of my predictions that have proven to be wrong – so far.  WARNING – This material is highly spoiler-like for anyone that hasn’t seen every episode!

robots and revision and retcons, oh my!

A friend emailed me this story today and highlighted the almost throwaway comment, “and George Lucas plans to release all six ‘Star Wars’ movies in 3-D”.  This elicited from me a bundle of snarky nerd rage that must have been lurking just below the surface.  I thought my response would make for a good post so here it is, uncut and uncensored:

Yeah I heard he’s been working on this.  As with any incremental release/version/edition, I’m sure he’ll take little poopy shits all over the stuff he STILL isn’t happy with.  Here are my guesses and/or a wishlist:

 -A 3^rd version of the Jabba the Hutt model in the Mos Eisley docking bay scene with Han Solo, but this version will be just as terrible in different ways

-Greedo will now have a curly little villain moustachio and/or a turban so that we don’t feel so bad about Han Solo shooting first – because he DID shoot first, you fuckheads

-The holographic Emperor in Empire will be edited even further so that the GIANT FAT WADDLE of Ian McDiarmid ca. 2005 is even more prominent and the explanation will be that his BIG FAT WADDLE is where Emps keeps all his midichlorians

-A new celebration scene will be added to the end of Jedi – Tattoine, Bespin, Coruscant, and then Chicago where Barack Obama has just been elected president, only Obama’s head will be removed and Hayden Christensen’s stupid head will be in its place but black-ified a la Thomas C. Howell in Soul Man

Don’t get me started on the prequels.  Revenge is ok but the others are dead to me right now. 

Wow.  I think I’m gonna put this on my blawwwwwwg. 

-J

Please note I use “wishlist” with sarcasm.

I have a love/hate relationship with George Lucas.  He is both creator and destroyer of beloved memories.  I dressed up as him this past Halloween, but even that was half homage half ridicule.  One of these days someone will bring balance back to Star Wars.  I just hope George doesn’t have to be dead first.

what is it good for? something.

Game Review – Fallout 3 from Bethesda Softworks (Xbox 360)

War. War has changed. Sorta. But not really. Because war never changes. Or at least that’s what Ron Perlman tells me.

When Bethesda Softworks acquired the Fallout IP from erstwhile publisher Interplay, they announced that the isometric, turn-based RPG would go first-person with Fallout 3. And a million fanboy heads asploded in mushroom cloud rage. Those of us who took shelter in the “let’s wait and see” vault have now emerged to discover a world that is at once new and strangely familiar.

Read on, sweet America, for the full review. But please – no mutants allowed.

not human enough -or- too hubris

 

Game Review – Too Human from Silicon Knights (Xbox 360)

Silicon Knights’ Denis Dyack, the driving force behind Too Human, caused a stir when he first A) showed a painfully crude build of the game at E3 in 2006 and then 2) bitched and whined about gaming press and internet forum communities when they called him on it. Ever since then it seems like Dyack has been out there wielding both snark and unflattering defensiveness in an effort to convince us that Too Human really is a great game, guys!

v.a.t.s. the way to do it

Still plugging away at Fallout 3.  Still loving it.  I’m going to have a lot to talk about when it’s review time.  I never thought the designers would pack in so many recognizable names, places, and details (five words: hexagonal metro station floor tiles!).

The only things that have been able to tear me away are Nate and the election.  Oh, and that pesky job thing I do, too.

dc never looked so good

First Impressions – Fallout 3 from Bethesda Softworks (Xbox 360)

I’m six or seven hours into Fallout 3 and I wanted to give some quick first impressions. This is a game that I intend to spend many dozens of hours in, and a full review won’t be possible for a little while.

Everything I’ve experienced so far indicates that Bethesda Softworks has nailed the dangerous, gritty magic of the Fallout world. This really is Fallout 3, and not Oblivion with guns. Preview screenshots and videos may have led to some concerns on this matter, but my fears have been allayed.

Gameplay is tight and polished. Character creation is fun, immersive, and innovative. Exploring the Capital Wasteland is tense, and the V.A.T.S. (Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System) combat is bloody (nyuk nyuk) satisfying. My only concern is that, even at a low level of skill, the horrifying decapitation and dismemberment that Fallout is known for is rather commonplace. Will it evolve and still be satisfying at higher levels, or will it become kinda “meh”?

The visuals are incredible. The Oblivion engine has grown up nicely and many of its nagging inadequacies seem to have been addressed. I’m excited to explore Fallout 3’s vision of post-apocalyptic DC. Bethesda Softworks is a local company here in the DC area (I drive by their office every day on the way to work!) and I look forward to finding all the little tidbits and landmarks they’ve thrown in.

Music and sound design are excellent. These are very important elements to me and I haven’t yet been disappointed. Voice acting is top quality and fits well with the setting. The background music is moody and ambient, but quickly picks up if bullets start flying. Another nice little touch is that you can pick up radio signals that provide an in-game soundtrack that adds to the immersion. Period music, like in Bioshock, is a vital part of the mix.

Very little of the story has been revealed so far. You begin life in Vault 101, but events early in the game lead you out into the Capital Wasteland in search of your father. The minor quests I’ve undertaken so far have been varied and enjoyable.

That’s about all I can say so far. I am very excited about digging into this game. A full review will come when it comes – Fallout 3 is an experience that demands to be savored.

i say saladin, you say salah al-din

Game Review – Assassin’s Creed from Ubisoft Montreal (Xbox 360)

Hype is a fickle mistress, my friend.

The release of Assassin’s Creed from Ubisoft Montreal saw quite a bit of the old ultrahype. Touted as a “true next-gen experience”, the game crafted an awfully big pair of britches for itself to fit into. Early reviews were wildly varied, but I decided to give Québécois-U.S. relations a boost and picked up the game.

So is it an assassin or just plain ass?

the galaxy is not as it seems

Game Review – Mass Effect from BioWare (Xbox 360)

Mass Effect is the latest RPG epic from the good doctors at Bioware.

I’ve played every major release from BioWare since getting hooked on 1998’s Baldur’s Gate. The one thing that ties them all together is their focus on good damned storytelling. Memorable characters and moving plights are everywhere to be found. Hell, with Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic they injected magic back into the franchise for the first time in twenty years! I always look forward to throwing myself into the worlds they’ve created, and to savoring all the little details they pack in for completionists like me.

Yes, my expectations were high. Will BioWare finally strike out with Scranto? Duh duh duhnnn!

pretty prolific for a dead guy

Book Review – The Children of Húrin by J. R. R. Tolkien

I’m a Tolkien nut.

Duhhh no kidding, right? And even though the good professor has long since sailed off into the West, he still seems to be cranking out books at an alarming rate (alarming considering he’s DEAD).

His latest marvel of posthumous publishery is The Children of Húrin, a gloomy tale of revenge, hubris, and incest. Woah. Incest. Samwise does not approve.